Realizing
by Erika
Summary: Despite Sirius’ doubts, Remus is not the traitor. How and when does Sirius realize his mistake?


Taking into consideration what a couple of you said about the ending of this story, I reread it and realized that you were definitely right. So, I went back and added a bit. Hopefully it turns out better than before.

**Title:** Realizing

**Author:** Erika

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** Despite Sirius' doubts, Remus is not the traitor. How and when does Sirius realize his mistake?

**Timeframe:** Just before the beginning of SS.

**Spoilers:** For PoA

**Category:** Angst, POV

**Disclaimers:** Hogwarts and all of its characters belong to JK Rowling, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed 0). I'm making no money from this and this is written for entertainment purposes only.

**Feedback:** Both positive feedback and _constructive_ criticism are greatly appreciated and will be cherished!

**Archive:** Please ask first.

**Author's Note: **I tried to follow canon as closely possible. Please let me know if I screwed anything up.

**

Realizing

**

**Sirius:**

I knew that something was wrong even before I arrived at Peter's hiding place. I could _feel_ it. It was like a disease had infiltrated my mind, slowly infecting my every thought and action with a sickly uncertainty. I ignored it, tried to shake it off with the blindness of someone who simply refuses to see, but it was useless.

Succumbing to the growing doubt in my heart, I went to check on Peter earlier than we had agreed upon. I needed to set my mind at ease. I needed to go into hiding with the certainty that James and his family would be safe. What I saw allowed me to do neither of those things.

Peter was gone. There was no sign of a struggle or a rushed escape. Instead, there was the distinct air of a planned flight. The hut was empty. All that remained was a bare mattress, empty cabinets, and naked shelves. It was as if he had calmly packed up all of his things and left.

The anxiety I had harbored within me all day erupted uncontrollably. My entire body went cold. Goosebumps prickled against my flesh. My throat clenched so tightly that I couldn't swallow. Terror like none I had ever known before robbed me of my voice. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

The ride to my best friend's home passed in a blur of nervous fear. Shapes and thoughts blended together until my deafening heartbeat was all I could hear, all I could focus on. When I landed and jumped off of my bike even that erratic pounding passed beyond the perception of my reality.

All I had left was silence. Unblinking, uninterrupted, unfathomable silence.

It was destroyed. The house was destroyed. I couldn't tear my gaze away. The door had been ripped from its hinges, the windows were shattered, and it was overwhelmingly dark inside. So dark inside. The place reeked of treachery and…_death_.

Thought and reason returned, striking a devastating blow.

A clutching sort of pain stabbed in my chest. For a few moments there seemed to be no air reaching my lungs as the painful, searing realization of what I'd done hit me. Maybe it was because my mind didn't want to grasp what had happened but my first thought was not for those within that house but for another friend entirely. Remus. Oh, _Remus_… How could I have ever thought–? For all those months I'd suspected him, never considering the implausibility of it all, never stopping to think that it could be Peter–

_Peter_! My body trembled at the rage that boiled within my blood. _Peter_. He'd– He'd– How could he–? I didn't– It was– _Peter_.

The solitary sound of something falling somewhere inside brought me back to the house. _The house_. The house was in shambles. And inside the house…? Suddenly, without thought, I was running forward. My feet were hitting solid ground but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel it. It was as if I was falling, tumbling, through cold fear and darkness.

Oh my God.

What had I done?

We'd had the perfect plan and I'd given Peter everything he'd needed to destroy them.

_What had I done_?

Oh my God. _James and Lily_! Harry!

THE END


End file.
